We’ve just come out of Mother’s Day, but 4Mothers we haven’t gotten enough. Mothers and mothering are still on our minds, and this week we’ll each be writing a letter to a mother – not necessarily our own mother, but a mother of some kind. We don’t consult each other prior to writing our posts, so I’m quite curious to see who these letters will be written to and what they will say. Stay tuned and find out!
Category Archives: Just For Her
Blogosphere Round-Up!
We here at 4mothers1blog like blogs. We like other people’s blogs just about as much as we like our own, which is to say, a whole lot. Here are five posts we think you should be reading:
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“God, I love it when your breath smells like Gaviscon” — Porn for Pregnant Ladies (from Pregnant Chicken)
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“I get to wear those?!” C.J. said smiling.
“Yup.”
“ALL OF THEM?!” he squealed looking at the tub of about 100 pink lost and found ballet shoes.
“No, silly, just two, you only have two feet.” – “My Son, the Dancer” (from Raising My Rainbow)
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This post is a couple of years old now, but it about sums it up. Ten Things I Hate About Motherhood (And One That I Love) (from Her Bad Mother)
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The Hidden Mother — a practice in photography of old. To ensure that a young child didn’t move during the long exposure, the mother held the child tightly; all the while, she was hidden by a blanket, not being the obvious subject of the photo. Worth a look ( via A Cup of Jo and Retronaut)
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And because it’s a new year: well, hello!
Hello from ant1mat3rie on Vimeo.
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What is a Weekend?
In the first season of Downton Abbey, the Dowager Countess famously asked, “What is a weekend?”
The weekend, dear lady, is over, but thank you for sending it out in such magnificent style. It is so much easier to face the lunch boxes when I’ve had a dose of the upstairs downstairs drama.
And when I face the lunch boxes in the morning, I can just ask, “What would Mrs. Patmore do?”
Why Should Kids Have All The Parties?
A few months ago, my book club selected The Paris Wife by Paula Mclain to be our next reviewed book. I had offered to host the discussion at my house and forgo the usual restaurant location.
Originally, I had planned to defrost a few appetizers and uncork some wine. This has always worked well in the past. But after finishing the book I was inspired to try something a bit different.
In keeping with the theme of the book (Ernest Hemingway’s life in jazz-aged Paris), I thought it would be fun to send out invitations the old fashioned way – snail mail. After popping into the local stationery shop, I was encouraged by the owner to experiment and make my own 1920’s Parisian invites.
I am not very crafty so the idea was a bit daunting but after concluding that I could use a glue stick and scissors, I gave it a go.
I printed the invites using a Paris-themed font that I downloaded from the Internet and affixed a black ribbon to each card. After addressing them with French-flare, I mailed them out to the women in my book club.
THE PARIS WIFE
In the 1920’s Paris was the place to be,
If your name was Gertrude, Zelda or
Hadley.
The booze did flow and tempers got wild,
And the women were anything but meek and mild.
He was the cat’s meow, that Hemingway,
But about his antics I bet you’ve a lot to say.
Throw on some pearls, put a feather in your hair,
Channel your inner flapper, and that is a dare.
Come for drinks and food to XXX Avenue
To talk about the Ernest you thought that you knew.
- – - – - – -
Thursday June 2, 7:00 p.m.
Tarot card readings from 7:30 pm.
Lots of food and drinks*
*(Just don’t tell those temperance fools)
My husband questioned why I was putting so much time and effort into inviting my friends for book club when I could easily send an email in a matter of minutes.
The answer is simple. Many of us moms (and dads too) spend so much time, energy and money too, creating experiences for our kids. Memorable birthday parties and graduations, and even end of session soccer soirees are among the events we host for our kids. When it comes to us, we often pass on festivities for practicality and ease.
This time I decided to reward my friends, making it a night for us and myself. Something beyond the trip to the local watering hole for pinot noir and firecracker shrimp.
When my friends arrived they were treated to “champagne” and cassis – the drink featured throughout the novel, a feast of French-inspired food and tarot card readings.
The response from my friends was heart-warming as most everyone remarked how fun it was to receive an invitation in the mail setting the tone for our special evening the minute those envelops were opened.
Do you ever feel like you place more importance on your kid’s activities as you do your own? How do you overcome such feelings?
photo credit: www.letstalkvintage.blogspot.com
Because Sometimes Mama Needs The Remote(s)!
Recently we were at a dinner party and after a few drinks the hosts asked us to play Top Ten. The hostess would throw out a topic and we’d have to negotiate who or what was worthy of a top ten spot. For instance, top ten bands who revolutionized music, top ten indulgent foods, top ten starlets, etc.
So here I sit, on my perfectly worn leather couch, a mini-drumstick wrapper on the floor and the kids fast asleep, watching a movie. Since my husband is working late, I have free-run of the remotes and I intend to make the most of the situation and choose something that I know would only induce an eyeball roll from him.
Since I live in a house with all males, sometimes I need to indulge the ultra-feminine in me and so I present to you my ultimate Top Ten Girlie Movie List.
10 – Cinderella
Yes, it perpetuates stereotypes. Yes, I know that most feminists around the world cringe to hear the name. Yes, I know that I am not going to marry Prince Charming (damn you, Kate Middleton). But come on! How good does it feel to see Cinderella fade into happily-ever-after while those ugly stepsisters are left in her dust? Ooooh, snap!
9 – The Graduate
Like fine wine, I am growing to appreciate Mrs. Robinson the older that I get. Mostly, because I can only pray to look that good when I am her age. Not to mention leopard print trench, black stilettos, and martinis, martinis, martinis!
8 – An Affair to Remember
What a classic romantic tale. Two social climbing moochers meet on a ship while vacationing with their partners. The clandestine lovers agree to meet once they have ended their relationships (and collected some coin to build a life together) when back on solid ground. They plan to meet at the top of the Empire State Building but sadly a New York City taxi hits her en route to meet him. Their plans fall by the wayside, until the old granny’s spirit, in the form of a hideous painting, brings them back together. Okay, so maybe not so classic a tale but it definitely gets points for creativity!
7 – Annie Hall
This is on my list because I am married to my own “Alvy”.
6 – Any movie ever made by Audrey Hepburn
Two For The Road should be mandatory viewing for all couples.
5 –The Way We Were
The chemistry between Redford and Streisand is palpable. The way she caresses his cheek and brushes the hair from his brow with those red nails. If you don’t shed a tear watching this movie, you have a heart of stone.
4 – The Sound of Music
This movie is a home remedy for curing excessive crabbiness. It’s impossible to watch Julie Andrews frolicking down tree-lined Salzburg streets and not feel like singing along.
3 – When Harry Met Sally
The clips where the older couples talk about how they met and married are priceless. I particularly enjoy the one where they re-met at Jerry Calicki’s funeral. I also love that Sally never tells Harry that she loves him, even after Harry professes his love for her, Sally says: “I hate you, Harry. I really hate you.”
2 – Pretty Woman
Basically, Cinderella for grown-ups, but the fashion montage makes me smile into my bowl of ice cream every time.
1 – Dirty Dancing
It’s my all time favourite movie! I can recite every single line. Every. Single. Line.
“Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”
“ We are supposed to do the show in two days. You won’t show me lifts, I am not sure of turns. I am doing all of this to save your ass! What I really want to do is drop you on it!”
“You wouldn’t care if I humped the entire army, as long as they were on the right side of the Ho Chi Minh trail.”
“I carried a watermelon!?”
“But most of all, I am afraid of walking out of this room and never feeling again, the rest of my whole life, the way I do when I am with you.”
Let’s not forget the soundtrack! It was one of my first cassette tapes and I played it on my walk-man until every lyric and a love for Otis Redding and Carol King was burned onto my brain.
And I won’t even go into all of the hours spent dancing with friends in front of the T.V. with the V.C.R. rewinding and fast forwarding until we felt worthy enough to perform at The Sheldrake.
But the dancing and music aside, is there a hotter sex scene than the one between Baby and Johnny when she comes to his cabin after their dance performance? Whoa!
Agree with the list? Any glaring omissions?
Thank you for the photo credits:
www.disneyprincesspictures.net
www.postcardsfromthepp.blogspot.com
www.bettesmovieblog.blogspot.com
Orange Blush
Really, Fashion? This is an April Fool’s joke, right? Are you really going to do this to another generation of girls? There are few things from my youth that I regret more than the stripes of orange blush on my teenaged cheeks. Bring back the Flashdance wardrobe, bring back the legwarmers, but oh, please, Fashion, do not bring back the orange blush.
Better With Age
Dear 14,
You’re going to high school! It’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be amazing. You’ll meet a wonderful combination of friendship, mentorship from teachers, brains, and creative talents here. The only downside is that you’re going to get used to it, and then be disappointed by all future academic pursuits.
When you go on the marine biology trip to Jamaica, try not to scream into the snorkel when you see the octopus a foot away from your nose. It’s still really loud.
Also, the high you get from the cigar-sized joint on this trip will be the cleanest one you will ever have.
It’s the 80s, and fashion is awful, but lose some layers. You look like a tent.
Dear 21,
I know, I already told you, McGill would be a big letdown. Sorry. But on one of your summers away, you’re going to meet someone true and who you deeply admire. Unfortunately you will stay in relationship with him approximately five years too many. You’ll need to kiss him goodbye.
By the way, a bagel and a litre of ice cream is not a balanced meal.
Dear 28,
Hi you! You made it through law school after all! You look great, the dancing you do at the ballet studio has never been so good. It won’t last forever; your love of it will pass when your teacher does, but I’m glad you’re squeezing from it everything you can.
I also love how you’ve left your comfort zone and are exploring the adult dating world. You’re going to have a lot of fun here, it’s about time you felt some of your own power. It’s not the power you’ll ultimately want, but it has its place. You will, however, make one mistake that you’ll regret forever, the one that costs you an old and would-have-been-forever friend.
Also, you’re going to meet a boy, who will take you to his family’s cottage. There, you are going to step off a cliff and jump into water five stories below. When your feet hit the water’s surface, it will be hard, and fractures will course their way up your spine. You will not be able to work for a year, and during that year, you will be faced with pain, the likes of which you have worked your whole life to keep at bay.
The upside, which you absolutely, completely, totally will not be able to see, is that there is an end to it, and at this end, you will become your own container to fill up that empty space inside you. Everything will change.
Also: that boy, he’s not going to leave. Not in the hospital, not during your rages, not when you’re a million miles away. You’re going to choose him.
Dear 34,
You’re going to have a boy! He’ll be beautiful, but premature, just 4 pounds. His attachment to you won’t be clear for a year or so – it’ll be hard. For the first time, you are going to give every ounce of your strength towards an endeavour and fail: you won’t be able to breastfeed. And the transition to parenthood will bring your marriage to its knees.
But here’s the best part: it all gets better. You will end up wonderfully attached to your son, and the next son, and you will even have a third child. Your marriage will rise up from the ashes and your bonds to each other will be stronger than before. You’re even going to stop reading all the conflicting, contorted parenting advice in the parenting book empire and mother your kids in a way that feels right to you.
Your life struggles are hardly over, and it might be nice to have your old skin back, You’ll miss your pre-baby uterine muscles too. But you won’t fall prey to advertisers trying to make people fear getting old. Like a cheese, your life keeps getting better with age.
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The Mom Cave – Like a Man Cave, With Scented Candles
That'll do. Thanks.
Last Monday the Globe and Mail’s Hot Button Blog ran a post on “Mom Caves” which they call the answer to the “Man Cave” phenomenon – instead of sports memorabilia and leather recliners, think cushy chairs, aromatic candles, and Sex and the City on repeat on the flat-screen TV. The best part? It’s all for you, mom, and there are no, I repeat, no sticky, unidentifiable crumbs anywhere (unless, of course, you’ve left them there yourself).
It turns out, the concept of the “mom cave” is one of the hottest trends in decorating. The brainchild of New York-based designer Elaine Griffin (with a little help from U.S. home decorating store Home Goods, otherwise known as Home Sense in Canada). According to this article, the mom cave is the place where, says Griffin “the woman who nurtures everyone goes to nurture herself”. A mom cave, she submits, has “a place to sit, a place to store things, a place to work and a place to visit” although, the first rule of mom cave appears to be that entry by non-moms is by invitation only. Your mom cave doesn’t have to be a separate room; it can be a corner, a nook — even the landing at the top of the stairs. But, it should allow for storage and a place to work because, says Griffin, “unlike men, women relax by doing things”.
Good idea? Shannon over at The Bad Moms Club responds by saying that a part of her thinks this is the best idea ever. Peace and quiet. Sunlight. Coldplay. And then, she says, “The other part of me snorts. Loudly.”
Loud snorts because, like so many of us, she’s barely got enough time to go to the bathroom by herself, let alone dedicate time (and, let’s face it, money, else Home Goods wouldn’t be involved) to decorating a room (or nook, or cranny, or niche) for use by only one person. For me, as much as I love the idea of having a room of my own (thank you, Virginia) there are already parts of my admittedly not-very-big house (no spare rooms, here) that I feel as if I rarely enter, if only because I’m too busy generally to enjoy them for their stated purpose (to wit: the room with the TV).
So, I’m torn. I’d love my own office space, and I’d decorate it (or not, knowing me) as I see fit. But I already spend enough time out of the house, so hiving off a separate space that is just “mine” seems unnecessarily indulgent. But what really rankles, is the idea that a woman’s personal space must be miniaturized, set apart from the business of the rest of the house. Setting up a cute and fashionable (and, if you check out the Home Goods ad, awfully pink) nook in a corner isn’t quite, I fear, what Virginia Woolf had in mind. If this space is supposed to be where I go to recharge, why does the idea of it leave me feeling diminished?
Plus that, there’s a lock on the bathroom door. And I have candles, wine and books, all of which are much cheaper than redecorating.
Springtime Fashions for Real Life
It’s hard to believe when I’m digging myself out of the barrage of snow that just fell upon Toronto that spring is in fact going to come again. Looking at the calendar can be depressing. I like to remind myself that it’s only two more flips before we can say hello to April, warmer weather and sunshine!
If you happen to pop into any mall or boutique clothing store you might be confused. It’s twenty below outside, bone-chilling winds and mountains of snow, but you’d never know it by the sea of pastels and wispy fabrics that line the racks.
According to Toronto-based stylist Lisa Williams, now is the time to shop for spring while the selection is in abundance. I had the opportunity to hear Lisa talk about spring fashion at the mom’s group that I belong to. Lisa styles many Canadian talk show hosts, tv series and movies but she is no fashion snob. She has everyday working women and on-the-go moms as clients too (men, too!).
Unsure what to add to your wardrobe this spring? Here are some suggestions that are functional for everyday living but also on trend.
1. Walking short (a.k.a. Bermuda short) – No Daisy Dukes. No jean cut-offs. We’ve grown up ladies and it’s time to embrace a classic short. The ideal length is above the knee, a higher raise in the waist (not covering your belly button but please, no whale tails showing!) and slim fitting through the thigh. Dark and white denim always look fresh with brightly coloured tunics and tees. Pair with a flat sandal, Converse sneakers or a wedge heel. Easy-peasy!
2. White Jeans – I think that white jeans look great on everyone. When paired with a colourful shirt and lightweight scarf, white jeans look so fresh and crisp. I used to be afraid of wearing white around my young children but I learned (the hard way) that stains can be easily bleached and really, what’s another pair of jeans in the laundry?
3. Linen Pants – Lisa assures me that the more wrinkles the better! This is fantastic because I am not about to commit to ironing pants or making trips to the dry cleaner. Linen is a comfortable alternative to the classic khaki and can easily be dressed up or down with accessories. Lisa’s linen tip: Always buy on the snug side because linen stretches!
4. The Shirt – Men’s inspired shirts with a feminine twist are all the rage. Look for shirts that are tailored to fit a woman’s body and that have a casual appeal, like rolled-up sleeves. Pairing shirts with long-chain necklaces and/or scarves update a traditional shirt and give instant polish to any look.
5. The Jean Jacket – A fitted, dark denim jacket is a must have piece for springtime. Consider pairing the jacket with your favourite flirty summer dresses as a way to increase the wear ability of your summer wardrobe. A jean jacket is a nice alternative to a blazer or cardigan. It has a young, fun vibe but looks great on a woman regardless of age.
6. Colour – Goodbye gray, black and brown . . .the drab colours of the wintertime are soon a thing of the past (at least for a few months) and hello to colour! Coral is everywhere for spring and Lisa insists that most woman look fabulous in this colour as it compliments many skin tones.
7. Hats – I am a little nervous about this trend. On one hand, I love the idea of saving my skin from the sun with a nice brim but I can’t help but feel like I have a giant, glowing LOOK AT ME beacon flashing on my head every time that I am wearing a hat. Hat styles run the gamut from floppy cowboy style to structured woven fedoras. I am going to embrace my inner Mad Men this spring and try to find the perfect hat for me.
In a few weeks when I am deep in my winter-coma, I will need to head to the mall for a little retail therapy and Lisa’s springtime suggestions might just be the perfect antidote.
* As an aside, after I had my middle son, I hired Lisa to give my wardrobe an updating. For the price of a “bad purchase”, I had Lisa’s expertise all to myself. The best part: she pre-shopped for me and had a dressing room full of stuff for me to try on! To contact Lisa: lisa.williamsstyle@gmail.com.
A Different Kind of Date Night
photo credit: www.goodhousekeeping.com
One week down and I am proud of my progress. Granted, come June I may be singing a different song. Like most parents, at the start of a new season, we sit down and schedule the kids’ activities. This winter, I have made sure to schedule my own. Each day I have allotted time for myself- sometimes just a half hour and sometimes three hours.
To help me achieve my goal of being more fit and incorporating exercise into my daily living, I spoke with certified CanFitPro Instructor Vanessa Reeve last week. Part one of this interview focused on the benefits of exercise and why it should be a part of everyone’s daily life. This week Vanessa offers tips and suggestions on how to do just that.
Vanessa advocates setting a goal (realistic, people!) and telling everyone so that they can support you. A realistic goal should be attainable and to give yourself a bit of motivation dangle, a carrot: i.e. buying a new pair of jeans, a dinner at a nice restaurant, a new book – whatever makes you happy!
An ideal fitness routine should include:
- Strength/weight training 2 – 4 times per week
- Cardio training 3 – 7 times per week (a minimum of 25 min of exertion)
- Flexibility training 3 – 7 times per week
Before you throw your hands up in the air, insisting that you don’t have the time for this, consider a few things. Firstly, flexibility training is stretching. It can be as formal as attending a yoga class or more casual like stretching while your watching TV. Just don’t stretch for the bag of chips!
Secondly, weight training does not mean investing in a set of dumbbells (although free weights can be an affordable option for at-home sessions). There are many exercises you can do that use your own body weight for resistance.
Joining a gym provides an opportunity to connect with other like-minded individuals who are also working towards a goal. The sense of belonging can be empowering and give you the nudge that you need to stay on track. Classes taught by instructors take the guesswork out of planning a routine, and generally instructors kick your butt in ways you never would.
January marks the time of year when new gym memberships spike. Many of people who rush to sign up at the start of the year stop going just a few weeks into their new routine. Perhaps their goals were not realistic (in the beginning consider making a commitment to go to the gym twice a week instead of everyday and then slowly increasing your attendance) or maybe the gym environment isn’t the ideal fit.
How To Exercise At Home and Move More!
- Walk more. If it is possible, walk to work. After dinner leave the mess behind and get for a brisk walk. Taking your kids for a walk after dinner could the ticket to getting them to sleep better. Older kids can ride their bikes while you walk/run and with younger kids you can makeup games en route. Something I like to do with my boys is we run to the lightpost as fast as we can, then walk to the next one.
- If you live near a school, take your kids with you and let them play in the field while you run/walk laps.
- Don’t drive to the store if you can walk and if you do drive, park furthest away.
- On your seventeenth trip to the doctor this month alone, take the stairs instead of the stuffy elevator.
- Take a bike ride on a path. Most cities have intricate bike paths that are family friendly.
- While watching TV or talking with your kids at night, get down on the ground and do some simple abdominal crunches (younger kids love to count along with you), static squats and lunges.
- Invest in simple equipment like a ball and sit on it while typing on the computer. These stability exercises help to tone core muscles. Newborn babies often love being lulled to sleep with a light bounce.
- Make it a family affair. Consider taking up a sport that the entire family can do together. Hiking, skiing, biking and skating are just a few sports that both young and old can engage in.
- Rent exercise/yoga DVDs from the library, borrow them from a friend, check on-line for free demonstrations (YouTube has plenty).
Date Night Doesn’t Have To Be In A Restaurant Or A Movie Theatre
Instead of the usual fare of dinner and/or a movie, why not try something new. Lori Lowe who writes a fabulous marriage blog recently featured Lindsay Rietzsch author of How To Date Your Spouse. Rietzsch suggests to “ignite the romance” consider activities that allow you to be close such as:
- Dancing
- Ice-skating
- Swimming
- Walking/jogging
Why not take it a step further and try something neither of you have done before. Take a snowboard lesson, rock climb or check out the neighbourhood yoga studio. Lots of studios offer free trial classes so take advantage of them!
Last year, my husband and I tried spinning together and not only was it an incredible work out (I still do it) but it was a lot of fun learning something together. At night we’d commiserate over sore muscles and during the class we’d motivate each other to keep at it. Between pregnancies, he taught me to water ski. Lucky for me, he’s a great teacher and very patient. We had a ton of laughs and I still remember the look on his face when I lapped the lake.
Doing activities together not only promotes a healthy lifestyle but it increases intimacy. If your partner needs a little encouraging to give hot yoga a try, share this tibit of info. According to the Mayo Clinic, regular exercise enhances libido in women and decreases erectile dysfunction in men. Now, if that’s not enough to get up off the couch . . . or maybe get down on it!
Just To Take Away Any More Excuses You Have, Vanessa Answers:
Q: My ass looks like a pancake. Any exercises to tighten and tone?
A: Spot reducing isn’t ideal and doesn’t always work. The best way to tone and tighten is to do a complete body workout. That being said, lunges and squats are the best moves to firm a tooshie.
Q: I know that weight bearing exercise is vital for bone strength but I don’t want to look like I could grace the cover of Body Builder’s Weekly. Will pumping iron make me bulky?
A: No, not if you are using low weights and doing lots of repetitions.
Q: Does strolling on the treadmill count as cardio?
A: In order to see physical improvements/changes, you need to be doing a cardio exercise where your heart rate is up for a minimum of 25 minutes to the point of breathlessness.
In a few months, I will report back (part of making my goals known) for a check-in. To get us all off the couch, please share your favourite songs to work-out to. Music is a great motivator! And/or please share what it is you do with your spouse, friends or solo to stay active.
