Art of the Danforth

East-end parents looking for something to do this weekend might want to head to the Art of the Danforth festival, taking place until June 10th along Danforth Avenue from Greenwood to Cedarvale Avenue. A production of the East Danforth Artists Collective, the Art of the Danforth festival features art, spoken word productions, walking tours, and art installations presented in storefronts, parks, and subway stations along the Danforth. Participation is free. Check out the schedule of events on the Art of the Danforth’s website, here. You can also click on the map below for locations and more information about each installation location.

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To the Mother Whose Child is Screaming Bloody Freakin’ Murder in Aisle 6

I see you, over there.

Actually, I heard you first. Or rather, I heard your child. I know that sound he’s making. It’s come out of the wee bodies of both of my boys, at one point or another. My eldest is still prone to foot stomping, if he’s not sufficiently fed and watered, and he’s almost ten.

You look pretty defeated right now. Yes, you’re doing your best not to yell at your child (who only freaks out when you’re in public, or when you’re running late, or when you’ve not had a good night’s sleep. Am I right?) and you know that’s the right way to handle this (the other is to give him a hug when he’s done crying, but don’t give him the thing he was ranting about wanting, ok?) but right now you need a few words of encouragement. So here’s what I have to tell you:

Relax.

Sorry. That’s not helpful, is it? There’s nothing worse than being told to relax when you don’t feel like relaxing. At all. Not a little bit. No, I know what you’re feeling right now. You’re feeling profound embarrassment. You’re feeling like every. single. person. in the store is judging your parenting. You’re feeling like you want a big black void to come and swallow you and your child RIGHT now, so that neither you nor anyone else has to listen to your child sobbing about…what was it again? Froot Loops? Or was it that they wanted to ride in the cart, and you wouldn’t let them? Or is it because you want them to have the seatbelt on?

Doesn’t matter. They’re having a tantrum. You feel like having one too. I know you do. But you’re the grown up and you can’t. Sorry. I’ve tried it and it doesn’t work. Well, it might make your children stop screaming. I tried once, with one of mine, and that just made him doubly upset because he thought I was mocking him, and that was even worse than not giving him an ice-cream. Don’t try this at home.

So let’s try this again:

Your child is screaming.

Take a deep breath. Take another. One more. Now repeat after me:

“This too shall pass”

“He won’t be doing this in University”

“No one is judging me. I’m a good parent”.

Take another deep breath. Yes, your child is still screaming. Your breathing has no effect on how much they scream, unfortunately. He might do that for a while. It’s amazing how much energy there is, contained in one of those little bodies.  I bet your first child never screamed like that, eh? Yeah, those second children. They test you in ways the first never did.

But here’s the thing: whether that child screaming in the cereal aisle is your first or your sixth, you know that every single child throws a tantrum once in a while. They get hungry, they get tired, they get overwhelmed. Sometimes, they get all three at the same time. And I know you think everyone in the room is judging you, but I promise, no one is. We’ve all been there. Okay, maybe that old biddy in the cookie aisle is judging you, but her sons never call, so who is she to talk?

Now, I’m no expert at these things. I’ve had my fair share of terrible, embarrassing, frustrating parenting moments. But I do know this: no matter what you do, no matter how good a mother you may be, there are days when your children are going to pull out every trick in the book and make you wonder why you birthed them at all. And your best response to the crying, screaming, moaning, floor rolling, head banging and general insolence?

A deep breath.

You can give the biddy in the cookie aisle a dirty look, too. She already thinks badly of you. What damage could you do, now?

Best of The Blogosphere #3

Nathalie and I both keep journals with our boys’ adorable musings and it’s undeniable that kids really do say some funny things.  But what about some of the funny things that we say?  There have been times when the words are leaving my mouth, I am thinking: I can’t believe that I am saying this!

Design Mom by way of Design Taxi was introduced to Nathan Ripperger’s art work.  Nathan takes things that parents cannot believe that they have said and creates funky wall posters based on the words.  I wonder what he could do with the time that I said this?

His artwork is available for sale on his Etsy website.  Be sure to visit!  What a great gift for Father’s Day!

Good manners will take you far in life.  Take a look at what 1000 Awesome Things had to say a while back.  A few weeks ago a gentleman and I pulled up to a 4-way stop at the same time.  Instead of scowling and booting it through the intersection before I had a chance to wave him through, he smiled at me and waved me through (unheard of in my neighbourhood!).  I waved my hand – no, no, you first- because I am fairly certain that he was there first.  And then he did something that made my day (clearly, it doesn’t take much): he smiled, put his hands together and bowed his head.  It’s amazing how a simple thank you can make someone feel good.

Having a rough day?  Feeling overwhelmed?  Here’s  a gentle reminder that the best mom, is true to herself, where she alphabetizes her spice rack or not.

And in case you just need a good cry, get your tissues ready and watch this:

 

 

The Diamond Of My Eye

It was just over one year ago that Prince William and Catherine Middleton said, “I do” before 2 billion people.  It’s believed to be the most-watched televised event in history and for most of us, the closest that we will ever get to attend a royal affair.

Shortly after their wedding, Wills and Kate set off on their first official tour, to Canada.  Many Canadians anxiously awaited the arrival of the royal duo to their hometown and many more waited with bated breath for their daily newspaper to see what Kate was wearing.

Photos of Kate with her maple leaf hat and the handsome pair canoeing to the Prime Minister’s private cabin peppered the media but there was one image that stood out.

photo credit: www.globeandmail.com

Diamond Marshall is the little girl who captured the hearts of The Duke and Duchess and of a nation.  Crouched on the tarmac after landing in Calgary, Alberta, while the wind whipped those famous brunette tresses, Kate embraced the 6 year-old stage-four cancer patient who in 2007 lost her mother to the very disease that she is fighting.

Months earlier, Diamond sent Catherine Middleton a letter describing her wish to meet a real princess and to have lunch with the princesses at Disneyland.  She concluded her letter with a question: Who is your favourite princess?

People have been moved by Diamond’s strength and courage.  People like Alex Halat, a long-time friend of Diamond’s father, Lyall, want to make a difference for children who are battling cancer and life threatening diseases.

Mr. Halat has a long involvement with Oilympics, a hockey tournament that raises money for local charities and in 2012 he started Hockey Marathon For The Kids in support of Alberta Children’s Hospital where Diamond has received many life saving medical procedures.

The Hockey Marathon For The Kids is an 11-day hockey game played by 40 volunteers who represent diverse backgrounds, skill levels and ages.  What these men do have in common is that they have been affected by cancer.  To honour their loved ones, their jerseys will not showcase their names but instead the names of the loved ones they’re honoring by participating in this event.

The organizers of Hockey Marathon For The Kids hope to raise 1.5 million dollars and one week away have secured $600,000 in donations.  Ninety-five percent of the funds raised will go directly to the Alberta Children’s Hospital where children like Diamond receive life saving treatments.

This Christmas, Diamond and her family received the ultimate gift: a diagnosis of remission.  It was in part due to the phenomenal care she received at the Alberta Children’s Hospital.

Please visit Hockey Marathon For The Kids for more information and be sure to check out www.facebook.com/hockeymarathon for updates on the game!

At Issue: Free Range Kids

A few years ago, Lenore Skenazy admitted to the world via her blog, Free Range Kids, that she allowed her nine year old to take the subway, unaccompanied by an adult, in her hometown of New York City.

To say that the response she received was overwhelming is a gross understatement.  Her honesty opened the door for critics (she has been called the World’s Worst Mom – a bit of a stretch, I’d say) and for supporters (who hail her as an opponent to the “helicopter parent”) to judge her parenting choices.

Since Ms. Skenazy’s post went viral, tv shows (including one hosted by Skenazy), news programs and too many blogs, articles and essays to count have been born discussing and debating the very subject of “free range kids”.

Free Range Kids is described by Skenazy as “a commonsense approach to parenting in these overprotective times” with the ultimate goal of raising “self-reliant” children.

For our At Issue topic this week, 4mothers will weigh in with their comments about Free Range Parenting.

We have lots of subscribers who may be new to our At Issue week.  Please know that we encourage you to join in the conversation and let us know what you think about this issue.

The Great Spring Purge

Spring has officially arrived but the unusually mild winter and early taste of summer has buffered me from my annual winter blahs.  Nonetheless, I am eager to count down the days for when I can put away the heavy coats and mittens.  Any Canadian worth their salt will tell you that it’s foolish to act too quickly.  There is always a “sprinter” storm to send winter on its way with good riddance.

There is something intoxicating about the heady spring air.  Windows open, people smile, patios overflow, and children play outside.  After the long winter people, like hibernating bears, come out from their dens.  And people really are everywhere!

“So that neighbour was pregnant!”

“Wow, the kids across the street have really sprouted!”

“The new neighbour isn’t as much as a curmudgeon as I thought!”

While most people take to the outdoors to welcome spring, I see it as a different kind of rebirth:  one of purging and organizing.

I am a regular purger and an obsessive sorter.  In the office the books are shelved according to colour and I have a system to keep paper clutter at bay that would make Peter Walsh proud.  In the playroom, the toy bins are separated into categories and neatly labeled.  Each boy has their own cubby and hook in the mudroom for mittens, hats, shoes and coats.  Getting them to follow the system is a bit more of a challenge.  Read: a giant pain in the ass that involves lots of lecturing (from me) and eyeball rolling (from them).

However, the kitchen always seems to get away from me.  With the steady traffic of kids, friends and family in our kitchen (which also doubles as our family room) the cupboards and drawers quickly become cluttered catch-alls.  It doesn’t help that the 18 month old is a compulsive drawer/cupboard emptier.  Therefore, most of the contents of our lower cupboards and drawers have been relocated to the upper “bunk”.

Top on the list is to tackle the cutlery drawer that I am embarrassed to share.  Any suggestions?

I Have A Confession To Make . . .

I have a dirty little secret.  Since we started subscribing to Netflix (for the kids!), I have started watching a lot more television.  I have never been a fan of reality TV.  Occasionally, I will watch an episode of something on TLC or check-in on those “housewives” but I am not one for over-the-top smut or keeping up with anyone.  But I have been amazed to learn that while regular network television has been inundated with wanna be stars, fringe networks are showcasing some really great programs.

When talking with Nathalie recently, I admitted to her that I had been turning on the TV any time that I had a free minute to feed my latest obsession: Thirtysomething.

I expected her to scoff but on the contrary!  Her eyes lit up and she started telling me about how she was obsessed with the show when it was on in the 90′s and had her friends send her VHS tapings of it in the mail because she was living on the other side of the world and didn’t have regular access to it.

This short lived late 1980’s series could just as easily take place today, which is why, in part, that I am drawn to it.

Hope is a new mother and struggling to make the transition from career woman to stay at home mother.  Her husband Michael is working his way up the corporate ladder, one late night at a time.  Their friends are changing too.  Not quite sure how to relate to their single friends, things become strained and when Hope and Michael are with their friends who are also parents, they are fearful that their marriage will begin to reflect what they see: one more like ships passing in the night.

If you can manage to get passed the cheesy background music and the 80’s clothes (and hair!), you might be surprised at how much you relate to these thirtysomethings.

How about you?  Do you have any t.v. obsessions?  Suggestions for a series to watch?

photo credit: nickielson.blogspot.com

I Never Did Say Yes. But Then Again, I Wasn’t Asked.

I believe that there are certain questions in life that you should never ask unless you know what the answer is going to be. And know unequivocally.

Questions like:

Are you expecting?  (This should only be asked when the baby’s head is crowning.)

Oh, so you had your baby!? (This should only be said/asked when the new baby is in the arms of the mother.)

Will you marry me?  falls firmly into this category.  I wish that these poor saps had followed this principle before asking the question – and in an arena to boot!

Proposals Gone Right is the theme for this month, so I should preface that any proposal is “right” so long as it is “right” for the said couple.

I am a private person, so to have been proposed to in front of 20,000 people would rank right up with my most recent pap smear: uncomfortable and devoid of eye contact while repeating “this will all be over in a few minutes” in my head.

Instead, it was a quiet affair while still in our pajamas, seated side-by-side on the couch in front of the decorated tree, early on Christmas morning.  A small package wrapped in yellow was placed in my hand – there was no indication that beneath the layers of tissue paper was a ring.  The ring.

When the tiny box was revealed, the couch started to shake from the nervous twitch of a leg.  I opened the box and must have looked genuinely puzzled when I said, “It’s not earrings.” 

I had dropped many not-so-subtle hints over the past month about wanting earrings to replace the single hoop that had been retired to my jewelry box after losing its match.

“No, it’s not earrings.”

And without a further exchange of words, I slid the sparkling solitaire diamond on the third finger of my left hand.

It was a done deal.

My Favourites From The Blogosphere

For the past five years, I have been a loyal follower of Just The Facts, Baby, and I am relieved to see that the authors know that my baby has grown-up and that I now need answers to kiddie problems.  Nancy Ripton and Sydney Loney have launched the next step with Just The Facts, Kid.  The same unbiased advice, product reviews and easy solutions for everyday problems but for your growing kiddies.  Visit their site and sign up for their Just The Facts, Kid newsletter.

Over at 1000 Awesome Things, author and blogger Neil Pasricha wrote a touching post about his immigrant father and the mutual adoration they have for each other.  Warning: you will need your tissue for this one!

My oldest son has become very interested in all things zodiac lately.  I came across the Zodiac Collection from Serena and Lily.  Zodiac pillows and artwork for the walls.  Lots of fun!  However, I know better.  Throw pillows literally translate to “throw pillows” in my house of boys (husband included).  I wonder if I could use the zodiac art as inspiration for our own zodiac creation?

Superstar blogger, Pioneer Woman (and if you have not checked out her site, I suggest that you do) did an excellent post this month on stocking your pantry.  For cooking beginners like myself, this sort of information is invaluable.  I also enjoy her recipes.  She illustrates each step with photographs – my iPad is on the counter when I am cooking her yummy (and easy) pasta salad or her sherried tomato soup (that makes me salivate that the thought of it!).

The sporting world lost of one its greats this month with the passing of extreme skier Sarah Burke.  Sarah’s effort for women to be recognized in this sport is unparalleled.  Many of the world’s leading female extreme athletes believe that Sarah was instrumental in propelling females in this male-dominated arena.  Whether you have girls or not, Sarah Burke is a true Canadian superstar who will live on every time a young woman pushes out of the gate at the top of a mountain or overcomes obstacles to achieve her dream.  Click here to read a touching tribute.

And my very favourite from the blogosphere this month . . . from the Momoir Blog

I have a running joke with a girlfriend about “The Laundry Fairy” who visits our house and miraculously does the family laundry.  Apparently, she has one too.  I am training my sons to sort, fold and put away their laundry (I will make someone a good mother-in-law one day), but for some reason, I am having a tougher time getting the biggest guy in our home to realize that the Laundry Fairy is not real.  Maybe I should take a page from Victoria O’Dea’s book, The Laundry Fairy:  An Experiment in Teaching My Husband A Thing Or Two.  Read this and you will definitely enjoy a morning laugh!

4Mothers Gets a Makeover!

It’s a new year and we’re excited to give ourselves a new look!

We hope our makeover is pleasing to our readers who tune in every day to see what 4Mothers has to say.  If you’re not a daily subscriber, be sure to sign up and your inbox will greet you with daily hits of mothering inspiration, information, fun, and reflection from 4 different mothers’ points of view.

We’ve also updated our site to include social media buttons to make sharing our posts on your Facebook and Twitter easy and added Just The Facts, Kid to our blogroll.

What do you think of the new design?  We may do some further tinkering in the near future, so you may see some more changes soon.  We hope you like it!