(A Different Kind of) Bed Talk

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It’s the end of the day, the long day, and I’m getting into bed at last.  My feet slip into the sheets, one of my favourite things ever.

But something’s wrong.  More specifically, something’s wet.

I pull up my legs, and then the bedsheet.  “It’s all wet,” I say.

“What?” asks my husband.

“The sheet,” I say.  “It’s all wet.”

“No it’s not,” says my husband, without seeing or touching the sheet.  Defensively hopeful.

“Yes, it is,” I say.  I hold the big wet area to my nose.  “It’s our older child.  He peed here last night,” I inform.  Then I offer the sheet to husband’s nose.

He whiffs.  “That’s not him,” husband says.  His voice grows a little louder.  “That was the cat,” he adds disgustedly.

I disagree.  “That’s not the cat.  Cat pee is strong and unbearable.  Smell again.”

Husband complies, then says nothing. I smell the sheet again too.  A pause lifts into the air.

It’s me who suggests:  “This is kind of a depressing conversation, isn’t it?”

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13 thoughts on “(A Different Kind of) Bed Talk”

  1. Oh my gosh, I have to say that this post made me laugh out loud because it could’ve been a conversation me and my husband had, just with a dog instead of a cat. Thank you for this! I feel so much more human now!

  2. Truly hilarious! Where once my husband whispered sweet nothings in my ear we now talk about which child clogged the toilet.

    Oh well… Wouldn’t change it for the world.

    Thanks for the laugh!

  3. So funny! Other “sexy” bedtime talk includes:
    – who pooped today and what was the consistency
    – which child’s eczema is acting up and how oozy is the rash
    – how to get our boys to stop picking their nose
    – should we even bother replacing the barfed upon sheets (it’s 1 am after all) or just wipe them with a towel and deal with it in the morning?

    • Isn’t it odd (to our former selves) is how perfectly normal and even riveting these conversations can become? Now it’s just what makes up our days.

  4. lol! It might be worse when you have it with yourself like me, as to whether it’s one of the dogs or the cat. Of course I know it’s not the cat. It happens only rarely but when it does I always hope it’s just a really cold spot in the bed.

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