1. Lego Advent Calendars
The Lego advent calendar is not a busy parent’s friend. It is what makes the kids get up early and refuse to go back to sleep. It is what makes them pull you from your cozy slumber, so that every day of December is like Christmas morning, and not in a good way. It is what makes for grumpy mornings when you have to assemble miniscule space ships before you’ve even had your coffee, for God’s sake. It is what makes you realize that, yes, middle age is well upon you because damn if you don’t need bifocals to see the miniscule Lego pieces. (See #2).
2. Eye Exams for Four
Having realized that you cannot see the tiny Lego pieces or read the instructions on the bottle of children’s medicine, you suspect you need bifocals. “Why not take the whole clan to the eye doctor?” you say. It is a false economy to use a December PA Day to book appointments at the eye doctor for yourself and your three boys. You thought that you might be doing a good thing by getting the 3-year-old tested early, before the age at which his brothers were tested and prescribed glasses, but it is cold comfort to discover that he’s just fine when the building manager appears to ask you to keep your children out of the hallway where they are playing quietly with cars after being cramped up in the doctor’s office for 90 minutes. It is not advisable to be the adult in charge of three boys on the subway when you are half blind from the demon eye drops. What the quadruple appointment may have saved in multiple trips to the doctor with each individual child will cost you in years of life lost to stress.
3. I have no three. I’m still recovering from 2, and I mean that literally. A week later, my right eye is still wonky from the demon eye drops, and I’m typing with one eye shut. I have to see a specialist this week about this wonky eye, and I am told to expect a waiting time of 1-2 hours, so deduct more time lost to ill-advised quadruple appointment.