I just need another half an hour.
If I’d had another half an hour last night, I’d have been more present in the moment while helping one child with homework, motivating the other child to practice his piano piece just one more time and cooking two separate dinners (one for eldest child who’d had orthodontic work done earlier in the day and who was having trouble figuring out how to swallow with a new dental appliance in his mouth, and one for the rest of us).
If I’d had another half an hour last night, I might have had time to fit in a run. I’ve committed to a 10km road race in May. I have plenty of time to train for it, if I start training now. I just need to figure out when to slot in some running time.
If I’d had another half an hour, I would have gone to bed half an hour earlier. But the clothes in the dryer were still damp at 11 pm, and I didn’t want to leave them in the dryer overnight, getting wrinkled and requiring more of my time in ironing.
If I’d had another half an hour, I’d have finished this blog post last night, in the time between when I discovered that our old computer had finally given up the ghost and when my husband, working to deadline (in paid employment, need I point out our priorities) needed to use our working laptop again.
Do Laura Vanderkam and her ilk account for those small, incremental events that steal away portions of the day? By my count, I require an extra two hours every night to accomplish everything that I want to do: not well, not perfectly, just adequately. Even if I scheduled every waking moment, I can’t anticipate every contingency, and what kind of life would we all be leading if we kept to such a schedule?
Here’s our evening planned out:
- 5:00 – 5:45: Commute Home (ETA 6:10 every second day because of transit delays; ETA 6:30 if youngest child needs to use the facilities for “pooping time!”).
- 5:45 – 6:30: Change out of work clothing into workout wear in vain attempt to fake it until you make it. Commence cooking dinner. Children to commence homework and music practice.
- 6:30 – 7:00 Dinner. (ETA 7:30 if any of the following events occur: (a) dinner burns because person cooking must also mediate a light sabre battle gone wrong; locate a glue stick needed for homework; engage in interesting conversation with a child who needs your attention; or (b) phone is answered immediately before dinner by child under age 18 who does not recognize that a 1-877 number (or worse, 1-234-567-8900) means someone we don’t want to talk to; or (c) “Pooping time!” delays arrival home to 6:30. Dinner may be ready in 45 minutes or less on nights when both parents realize too late that they both forgot to defrost the pork chops; use emergency telephone code 967-1111 for rescue option.
- 7:30 -8:30: Completion of homework. Showers. Reading. Family time.
- 8:30 – 9:00: Tooth brushing. Pajama wearing. Lights out at 9:00.
- 9:00 – 9:20: One more chapter. Parent may or may not fall asleep on child’s bed whilst finishing said chapter; this is optional.
- 9:20 – 9:30: Change out of workout wear, and into lounge wear (Really, this just means taking off my sports bra, but it’s important to acknowledge the day’s little victories). Curse the winter for making it too dark outside for running.
- 9:30 – 10:00: Clean kitchen, prep meals for next day, plan clothes, review work. Optional: talk to spouse about their day. End time may be delayed to 12:00 am in the event of work deadlines, overloaded dryers (12:20 a.m. if you do the “smart” thing and split the load into two) or anything spilled on the kitchen floor that requires more than a paper towel to clean up. Consider going to sleep. Maybe.
Another half-hour? Multiply that by four, and we’d be golden. And lest you scoff, thinking that there’s no way anyone’s schedule can go so continually pear shaped as to necessitate two hours of contingency time, I have two words for you: Stomach Virus. Spilled milk. Book Report. Hockey game. Stale bread. Dead line (ok, that’s one word, but work with me). Only the book report and hockey game can be planned for with any certainty, but they’re all equally likely to occur in any given week.
I wonder sometimes, whether it’s possible to have a “time deficit” the same way we speak of people having a “sleep deficit” — which, I suppose, is just a time deficit in a disciplined form. Don’t we all have this? A collection of things we should be doing, or want to be doing, in addition to the things that we have to do every day? Writing more. Exercising more. Spending more time with family. If the eventual outcome of a sleep deficit is that you crash, what’s the outcome of a time deficit? I suspect, it’s the same: a sudden, overwhelming urge to just lie down and NOT plan, not schedule. Not do. Just be. Or maybe to take a nap.
A half an hour should be enough.
I’d take a nap!
I, selfishly, might prefer you write more. Great post.
What Carol said.
Thank you ladies. That means a lot to me.
Just by way of confirmation, I arrived at the boys’ daycare at 5 pm today. We walked in the door at 6:47 pm. Sebastian had to use the washroom, and then there was a subway delay. I don’t make this stuff up.
This is so, so, true, Marcelle! We are trying to accomplish the same, with the added challenge of older child being so exhausted from her school days that bedtime needs to be targeted to start at 7:00 (finishing by 8 if we’re lucky!), and the additional challenge of work-work needing to be done at home in the evenings because work days are shortened because of school drop-offs (morning) and pick-up from childcare (evening). I don’t see how we will manage it when the homework moves beyond the kindergarten level!
Great piece Celle. I am increasingly considering other options to improve quality of life. Lottery tickets are high on my list. As with many other things, as a working mom I exchange money for time…
No, I don’t clip coupons. Who has time to cut them and check out the stores with the best discounts?
No, I don’t shop discount stores, I don’t have time to stop in on a regular basis and see if there is anything on sale this week I want that doesn’t make me look like a peasant in my professional job.
Yes, I do pay someone to do my fresh food shopping by buying into a local food share to relieve my guilt by reducing my carbon footprint at the same time as relieving my stress by eliminating one trip to the grocery for the week.
Yes I am thinking of paying someone to clean my house because baseline cleaning is simply not getting done between my full time professional work and amateur parenting duties.
I will buy that half hour. Somehow. Some way.