The Pursuit of Happiness?

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I seem to find advice on how to be happy everywhere I turn.  Magazines have entire monthly columns dedicated to attaining it and numerous blogs tout the pursuit of it.

For me, the pressure to be happy can be crushing and there are times, more than I would care to admit, that “be happy” is just one more line item for supermom to check off.  There it looms on the list: above “nutritious short order cook” and below “sultry sexpot”.

Being a mother has proved to be my life riddle.  One that I am struggling to figure out.

How is it that I feel so utterly lonely but at the same time crave solitude?

Why do I want time apart from my kids but once I am alone, I count the hours to when they return?

At the end of the day, I beat myself up and wonder what is that I accomplished today?  What use did I make of my two university degrees?

At the end of the day, I am amazed by the magnitude of what I have contributed to our society: three small boys, who are learning to be thoughtful, compassionate members of the community.

There are days when I am deliriously happy and days that I feel as though I am clawing my way out of a black hole.

Today I didn’t feel happiness.  I felt claustrophobic, torn apart, pushed beyond the limit of exhaustion.  As I write this, the boys are tucked into bed and not a minute too soon.  My patience now sags like a hyper extended elastic band.

Hard days come with the mothering territory and when I feel less than sure, it’s not to the experts that I turn.  I seek solace from those elbow to elbow with me in the trenches and Glennon Melton’s Don’t Carpe Diem tops my list.

Am I happy every day?  No.  Am I happy most days?  Yes, and that’s good enough for me.

Life’s not a glossy magazine, folks.  If it were, I’d have better hair.

 

photo credit: http://www.symbolset.org

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6 thoughts on “The Pursuit of Happiness?”

  1. How is it that I feel so utterly lonely but at the same time crave solitude?

    Why do I want time apart from my kids but once I am alone, I count the hours to when they return?

    I struggle with those as well.

    • pardon my thoughts,
      but i would like to share something i learned. There is a difference between loneliness and being alone. You can be alone and yet feel fulfilled but you can be surrounded by people yet feel lonely.
      There is a need for solitude, meditation and introspection only then will you find the cause of your lonely feelings. In truth no one is alone 🙂
      It is the bondage of feeling dependent that weighs us down humans and make us crave relationships like a drug instead of treating relationships as gifts and blessings. We need time for ourselves, as much as we can give time to others. Simply it is the balance of life. None outweighs another. No man is an island, but you also need to be kind to yourself. Love and blessings. Namaste

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