I Am the Family Pet

As I mentioned yesterday, we don’t have pets.  We don’t have pets because some of us are allergic to the standard furry friends, cats and dogs, and I am allergic to watching some poor beta fish die a veeeeery looooooong slooooow death because he’s been overfed.   After the Longest Death Knell in History, I declared an end to fishy pets, indeed to all of them until such time as I could hand over all responsibility to a child.  And, to be perfectly honest, there’s the whole mess factor.  When I googled kids and pets to find an image for yesterday’s post, this is what came up:

It’s a cleaning product.  One that seems to equate kids and pets in the mess-making department.  I’ve cleaned kids’ vomit and urine off of the carpets, and, to be a perfect killjoy, even if we could have pets, the chance of more vomit and urine to clean up would rank high in the CONS column.  We still have the teen years to look forward to, afterall.

So, even after spending my entire childhood yearning desperately for a dog or a cat, additions to our family that were denied to us because we moved from country to country so often, allergies mean that I’ve got a get out of jail free card for subjecting my kids to the same yearning.  And even if I didn’t…  well, we do, so I don’t have to go there.

But given that the state of the carpets looms high on the list of cons (on our non-existent list of pros and cons of pet-owning), it is a curious thing that I seem to be the worst offender in overtaxing the vacuum cleaner.  I’m talking about my hair and the great handfuls of it that seem to appear all over the floors of this house.  For decades, I have had short hair.  I finally got bored with it last year and began to grow it out.  When I got bored with that process, I also began to colour it.  This whole process of growing and colouring my hair has made me a stranger to myself.  Still.  Even after two years, I am still getting used to having and having to take care of hair.

It fascinates me just how much of the damn stuff falls out.  It irritates me how often I have to haul myself off to get my roots done.  And if that wasn’t annoying enough, it clogs up the vacuum cleaner.

So even though I have very cleverly avoided adding pet care to my list of chores, my own body has added significantly to the list of things to do and clean.