I didn’t make any rookie mistakes as a parent. I’m never wrong. Just ask my husband. He got me a t-shirt that reads: “To Save Time, Lets Just Assume I Know Everything.”
Of course, I can’t wear the shirt in public because while I am perfect, it is not. It has random capital letters and a missing apostrophe.
So, let’s ask the kids.
“Kids? I’m perfect, right? I didn’t make any mistakes as a parent.”
“Thanks, Mom. You’re the best, Mom.”
I’ve programmed them to do that, see. In response to every gesture and reminder and plate of food served. If they forget to say it, I say it for them.
“Here’s your lunchbox.” Pause. “Thanks, Mom. You’re the best, Mom.”
Works wonders. Covers a multitude of occasions. Gratitude and humble submission to my supremacy. Nope, nothing will go wrong with this plan.