Rookie Parenting Blues

When my first son was five months old, my husband persuaded me to take a trip to the east coast to visit a close single friend of his.  I don’t know why I said yes to this, except that my husband was probably really persistent, desperate in his desire to do something escapist during a year when we really did not get along.  Possibly I felt it might be refreshing to argue in a different province.  We went.

It wasn’t long into the trip before I found myself with a baby in a tiny room in a basement, next to an enormous pile of firewood.  The room had a bed, a desk, and a bookshelf.  I was trying to shield my baby from the jamming and partying upstairs, and its predictable accoutrements.  I stayed there for hours.  My husband came downstairs at some point; he wanted me to join the party with the baby.

Turns out arguing sustains its general character regardless of what province you do it in.

Fast forward six years, and my husband’s friend is now married and visited recently with his first child.  My husband suggested that he and his friend go out for an hour or so to run and errand, but his friend declined, saying that he preferred to stay with his wife and baby, not wanting his wife to feel abandoned.  My husband turned to me with a certain disbelief.  I turned away.

I would really love to write a funny baby post about poo or vomit or the dreaded car seat; I want in on the club of parents who can laugh about transitioning into their new lives with their baby.  I have a sense of humour, I really do.  And our baby, who was the beginning of so much – I can hardly begin to tell about all he is and all that he’s brought into our lives.  But it was a hard go when he came along.  My husband and I made it through:  it didn’t kill us, and well, you know how the rest of the saying goes.  But I still can’t laugh about it.


7 thoughts on “Rookie Parenting Blues

    • My husband and I needed more than a few months before we could come up for air, but we really have recovered and then some. We (slowly) learned not to assess our relationship by the period following a baby, because it can bring such unusual stress. Sending good wishes back to you, Michelle, from my heart.

    • We’ve moved on from that place (thank goodness). And I was no angel during that period, either. My husband is really attentive to me and the kids now, and I’m very grateful to have him. But those early days/months/years were tough.

  1. well… he might have learned a lesson after all! … I would have been really pissed too, if my husband would have left me alone in the basement, partying upstairs with the friend. And I know we would have argued over this too, even though we never really seem to argue much. As I’m pregnant with our first, we started to have different opinions too. I’m due on december 13 and everybody knows that babies can come early. There is a christmas party on november 30 and there is one on december 15 … He admitted that he probably won’t go to the second one, but he want’s to go to the first one on november 30. He’ll be partying all the way, being drunk and coming home at like 4 am or so, as he usually does when he is out partying (which doesn’t happen all too often)… but personally, I’m scared my baby decides to come early and he’ll be drunk … 😮 … anyways… I’m drifting off into my own stories here. sorry about that. I just wish that men would often be able to see certain things out of our perspective. *sigh*

    • I think the problem for us was less that he wanted one thing while I wanted another, but that we didn’t seem to grow into the experience of being parents together. We have now, but it took a while!

      As for the party on Nov 30, maybe a compromise is that he go but not party quite so hard? For what it’s worth, usually with first babies, it takes many hours to move into active labour, so you should have a heads-up as to what’s happening. But for peace of mind, it’s nice to know he’s there if you need him.

      Congratulations on your Christmas tree!

      • nicely said! I will have to talk to him again about it and see if we can compromise. 🙂 and thank you! 🙂 even Mario says that he likes the christmas tree a lot. 😀 wonder why we couldn’t have that earlier. lol

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