I wouldn’t trade my life as a stay-at-home mom to Hugo, 4, and Anna, 2, for anything. But occasionally I am wistful for the halcyon days when time with my husband didn’t require a “date night,” and doorknobs weren’t coated in a sticky film. Herewith, 10 of the things I pine for most:
1. Sleeping through the night. Sleeping in on weekends.
2. Going to the bathroom without an audience.
3. Speaking on the phone without a (very loud) audience. Not having to preface every call I make with, “Sometimes mommies need to talk on the phone. If you can’t be quiet while I’m on the phone, I’m going to have to go upstairs to make this call.”
4. Cooking dinner without two “sous-chefs”—and with the full use of both my arms.
5. Restaurant meals that don’t begin with stern warnings to my dinner companions that, “If you shout, run around, or throw food, we’re going straight home!”
6. Air travel being a few hours to zone out and watch movies, rather than never-ending, torturous confinement with sticky, squirrely savages (and I don’t just mean the other passengers).
7. Control over my tears during sad movies/sad songs/sad news reels/questionably sad commercials.
8. Shopping for myself without the use of a mouse. Grocery store trips that don’t dissolve into chaos, and end with me convincing myself that Grocery Gateway isn’t that much more expensive.
9. A reliable bladder.
10. A time when threats and bribes were the stuff of gangster films, rather than my fallback parenting techniques!