Not A Full-time Parent but Fully-present Parent

362 (2)I learn so much about parenting from watching my husband.  There’s the simple stuff like, it’s never too late for a tickle, and nothing works better to solve a crisis than distraction, but the most amazing thing to observe in Ted’s parenting tool kit is his ability to be fully present with the kids.  I’m the full-time parent, but he’s a genius at being fully present when he is with them.  Ted has a marvelous capacity to put distractions away, and when our boys are with him, they know that he is 100% with them.  It’s a kind of selflessness and generosity I feel so blessed to observe.  It’s also a kind of discipline and hard work for which I have boundless respect.  Because the character from children’s literature I most resemble is the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, my attention is never divided into less than two things: the activity at hand and THE CLOCK.  Usually, though, my attention is divided by a dozen other distractions, and I it let it be because the discipline of tuning out thoughts of time, dinner, the other kids’ homework, who ate all their broccoli, whose forms need signing, Did I pay for that field trip yet?, Are the soccer socks clean?, What should I get for Aloysius’s birthday?….The discipline required to tune all of that out exhausts me more than being distracted by it.  If Ted is thinking of other things when he’s playing hockey, playing chess, bathing or reading to our boys, it does not show.

Just one of the many marvels of the man we celebrated on Father’s Day.

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5 thoughts on “Not A Full-time Parent but Fully-present Parent

  1. Reblogged this on twinkle on lil star and commented:
    This is exactly how a father should be. I was blessed enough to have a father like this. And while he was physically present less than hr wanted to be, he was always fully mine when he was with me.

    My man is the same with our boys. I am in awe of his ability to devote himself so completely to his boys. He knows their every want and need and understands them so completely. Especially A. Having been the parent that has attendee every step of his ASD diagnosis and therapy D knows A like the back of his hand. It is amazing and inspiring.

  2. Great tribute to all fathers. They do have a different bond with their children, in fact I see its examples everyday between my husband and daughter. I look forward to more of your posts, happy day!

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