My boys don’t know that every three-year-old Valentine and half-torn colouring page has the same effect on me as dumping a pail of water on the Wicked Witch of the West.
I’m melting! I’m melting!
Not literally of course, but scanning their rooms and their collections of Lego, Play Mobil and Skylanders strewn, albeit in “tidy” piles, on the floor amidst crumpled birthday party invitations, random stickers and favourite unshorn pencils all mixed together like some sort of bottom-of-the purse cornucopia induces in me an intense angst.
The heat rises. It always starts in my chest and within seconds my neck and face are engulfed. The only remedy for my anxiety is covertly ransacking their rooms, opaque garbage bag in hand like a deranged anti-Santa, snatching up all the cheap, plastic-y toys that have found their way into our home by way of take-out boxes or loot bags. Once I get started nothing is safe. I have this ability of scanning a surface and determining with speed and efficiency what is junk. Very few things escape my sticky fingers. With each toss into the bag, I feel a sense of satisfaction. I am gleeful. I am restoring balance and order to this room, my house, my life.
The toy room and craft cupboard are where I go for my biggest fix. I am an addict looking for my next high as I sort through the toys relocating Thomas the Train with his friend Spencer in the bucket clearly marked TRAINS. The brightly painted wooden tomato and fry pan are tossed back into the bucket clearly marked, you guessed it, KITCHEN. If only everyone else would follow this simple system maybe they’d be able to find that missing Lego guy instead of bursting into tears of frustration at the thought of pillaging the mash-up of toys that occupy 8 bins.
Like with the toys, I am ruthless when it comes to clothing. I keep bags at the ready, tucked at the back of closets with donation inked in permanent marker next to another bag that contains the best of my boys’ clothing, ready to continue the hand-me-down cycle.
The kitchen counter and cupboards are at their best when they are stark, barren, neatly itemized. Achieving this kundalini state is a thing of lore. My kids always want to be fed. They are always hungry. They are always in the kitchen demanding more! More! More! And all I want is to neatly group the applesauce beside the crackers.
I don’t discriminate. I am not exempt from my own wrath. I attack my own closets and collections with as much vigor and yes, accuracy.
It’s meaningful to note that I have rarely been called out, chastised, whined at or worse, hollered at, in the wake of my purges. I count only one item, a denim dress with pearl-faced buttons as a casualty, a donation made in haste. My lone regret.
If anything there is a sense of calm in our mostly chaotic home when “there is a place for everything and everything is in its place.”
LOVE it!!! This is me tomorrow!!
Thanks for joining in the conversation 🙂 I just read over your Diary of a Toilet Trainer post . . . brings back memories!
Poor little guy has been so awesome ever since but this is the snapshot that will be remembered 🙂
Yup – that’s how things are done in my house. Love purging – doing it right now while getting ready for the big move.
That’s the best kind!!!
My house is way overdue for a purge. You’ve inspired me to do it this weekend… no piece of scrap paper will remain!!
I so love a good purge. Sometimes I think that I could make a career out of it.
Great post. I applaud your ruthlessness in getting rid of junk. I truly believe the clutter we accumulate weighs us down, leading to a sense of disorder and emotional choas. I dedicated a related post to Exorcising the Skeletons in Your Closet http://bit.ly/QEzX0O
Yes! Yes! Yes!
You and I may have been separated at birth.
So you have the same disorder? At least I know that I am in good company!
I am exactly the same. Complete polar opposite of a hoarder. Can wait to get rid of stuff as soon as possible.
It’s a sickness, no? As the kids were learning to walk, I was more thrilled at the idea of tossing the playmat and the plastic ride-ons.
It make me giddy getting rid of those things! It’s nice to know there are so many of us!
Love this… we have boxes of toys, duct taped shut, waiting at our front door to find a new home tomorrow. Every time we get rid of more it makes me think that minimalist might not be so crazy after all.
Deranged anti-Santa…love it! We just had spring cleaning and I ransacked my daughter’s room as well. Every day she comes home with three new art projects in her backpack…I think we’re going to have to rent a separate apartment for all of them!