Reignite the Spark and Heat Up Your Summer: Sex with Dr. Jess

jessIt’s a tough life, but somebody’s got to do it.  A few weeks ago, Durex invited 4Mothers to a women’s only evening of Talking Sex with Dr. Jess, a Toronto-based sexologist.  It was a blast!  Jessica O’Reilly is a fabulous speaker, and she made us laugh and put us at our ease in seconds flat.

She’s full of zippy one-liners, and one of her best was to “Do a sister a favour and share the wealth.”  So, with no further ado, here is the PG version of Dr. Jess’s tips to reignite the spark

1.  Fantasize during sex, and let your mind wander.

The top four fantasies for women are domination & submission, having sex with a stranger, role-playing and exhibitionism.  Try them out as fantasies and see where they take you.

2.  Seduce with surprise.

If you are not usually explicit, then explicitly express your desire.  Be unpredictable.

3.  Talk.

Reconnect.  Do not talk about the kids or the day to day stuff.  Ask an intimate question, focus on yourselves.

4.  Talk Dirty.

“If you can talk dirty you never, ever have to get on top again.”

5.  Change something old.  Try something new.

Try changing just one thing outside and one thing inside the bedroom.  New date night, new lingerie.

6.  Time & Space Challenge.

Have sex at a different time of day than you usually do.   Do not have sex in the bedroom.  Just those small changes can be enough to re-ignite the spark.

7. Be the teacher

Using plenty of lube, teach your partner some new ways to touch you.  (I can’t keep it PG with specifics.  Suffice to say, she used a vulva puppet, and had us miming various techniques, and was shouting, “Do it!!  You won’t remember it if you don’t do it!  Muscle memory!!”)

Have fun!